“The Reality of Situation Comedy’s Finalist”
Shalla: Hi, Shoe.
Shoe: Shalla, we begin? (chuckles) Oh, you probably get that all the time. I hear you’re
Filipino.
I had a roommate in college that was
Filipino. He made the best hot pretzels, but it was kind of a hassle having the cart in the living room.
Shalla: :) Haven’t tried cooking pretzels, I’m starting out with seasoning mixes. You know, just add water and
veggie beef (yup, I’m
vegetarian).
But you, how have
you been doing since the airing of
Situation Comedy?
Shoe: Good, good. Visibility’s always a good thing. You ever try to drive without it? You know, before I was recognized from the show,
I used to have to annoy
waiters to get them to spit in my food.
Shalla: Nerve wracked about winning?
Shoe: Not really. As I see it, people who want to vote for a winner will choose the winning team and people who want to
vote for a loser will choose the losing team.
Also, I don’t want to sit here and try and manipulate people into voting
for me. I’ve already won because this contest has afforded me the opportunity to visit orphans in Old San Juan.
I miss you, my little Taquitos. If I win the money, I’ll buy you all a pony. Shalla: Make it
alpacas :) Getting fan e-mails?
Shoe: A few. I got one from a couple who wanted to thank me for the great periodontal work I did on their kid’s teeth. I think they might have sent it to the wrong email address but since it was so sweet, I hung it up on my wall.
Shalla: Where did you get your idea for Sperm Donor? Watching talk shows? Or…?
Shoe: The same place all ideas come from, a giant light bulb flashing above my head.
Mark (co-writer of The Sperm Donor) and I were sitting around one day and talking about how there’s no great TV shows on anymore like we grew up with. Where was “Family Ties?” Where was “Facts of Life?” Where was “Small Wonder?” Okay, maybe not Small Wonder so much. But where were these shows? Why weren’t they on anymore?
Then we watched them on Nick At Nite and realized these shows were completely idealized in our mind and were actually quite average. So, Mark and I set out to do a really average family sitcom that people would watch and fondly recollect being great in 20 years.
Shalla: How did you get started writing sitcoms?
Shoe: In front of reality TV cameras. Like everyone! No? Oh, geez, I thought that was how it was done.
Sitcoms were always something to write while waiting for notes on feature scripts. Because, no matter how much I love sitcoms, it’s a very tight-knit community so getting a sitcom job always seemed impossible. It still does, mind you. But features, well, features can be sold on the writing.
Movie producers need feature scripts. TV producers need to help sixteen of their unemployed friends find work. And it some ways it makes sense, because you will be working grueling hours with these people so you want people you jive with.
With features, you don’t need to jive with anybody, you just need to write a great script. If you write it, they will come. With sitcoms, you write it and hopefully win a contest.
Shalla: Are you naturally funny?
Shoe: No, I’m naturally pretty morbid, but then I think about how happy I’ll be when I’m dead and the funny just spills out.
Shalla: Any books on learning to write humor you’d recommend?
Shoe: Jean-Paul Sartre’s Being and Nothingness, The Antichrist by Friedrich Nietzsche and The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Sartre, Nietzsche and other Depressing Dudes.
Honestly, I’m avoiding this question because if I say, ‘Yes, I’m funny au jus,” your readers will say I’m arrogant or worse not funny and delusional. But if I say funny is something that can be learned, then I’d be lying. I don’t think there’s anything an unfunny person can do to be funny.
I’m sure there are plenty of Learning Annex classes that will tell you otherwise. You can read books that explain why something’s funny, but unless it’s innate I don’t think there’s anyway to replicate it. God, that’s a depressing answer.
You know what? If you want to be funny, say words with the letter K… Cupcake. That’s good! That’s my answer. Get rid of that depressing stuff and just say… Cupcake.
Shalla: For those just starting out, any
tips on screenwriting? Go to conferences? Move to Hollywood and socialize with actors? Date a movie star?
Shoe: I think if you’re serious about writing, that’s what you should be doing – writing.
Not to toot my own horn – actually, if I could toot my own horn, I’d never leave the house – but I write seven days a week, up to ten hours a day. That’s what I want to do. It makes me happy.
If writing makes you happy, it isn’t even work. As for actors and conferences, I’m the world’s worst networker. I have agents and managers that I rely on to make those connections.
If you don’t have representation, then you need to write something that’s going to help you get them.
Hollywood’s all about gatekeepers. Agents are the first gatekeepers. Once you can get past them, then they can help you get past the studio gatekeepers. And so on. The key to all the gates: a great script. Hollywood knows writers are a few yaks short of a zoo, so don’t worry about where you live, what you wear or who you know, just write the script.
As for hands on tips, I outline for about four to six months prior to touching a draft. A screenplay really is story, it’s plot. If the story holds up against your harshest scrutiny then the script will hold. Dialogue can be finessed. Dialogue’s simply the smoke and mirrors to hide the story. A well-constructed story with effortless dialogue to hide it, you’re golden.
It’s funny because you
slave over a script for months and months all to insure that it seems like you rattled it off over a weekend. A great script seems like it was written on line at the bank.
Shalla: What is your ultimate goal in screenwriting? To write the next block buster movie? To team up with
Leonardo DiCaprio?
Shoe: It’s funny you mention
DiCaprio. I’m always being confused with him. From the back, at two hundred paces, we have an uncanny resemblance. Honestly, I just want to work. Write.
I need money to live so it would be nice if someone paid me for it and right now I feel pretty fortunate to be able to do what I love and have a modicum of success.
Shalla: What do you think is different from writing a script to writing, say, a short story?
Shoe: I know as much about writing short stories as I do about what’s in Cheez Whiz. For instance, I know there’s Cheez and I know there’s Whiz, but how they come together… (sighs) A mystery as complex as Ugg Boots in the sunnertime.
Shalla: What’s the best and the worst about being in a reality TV show?
Shoe: The best thing is the exposure; the worst thing is no one is watching because it’s on at Fridays at 7pm. I hear we have a huge following in retirement communities.
Shalla: What’s next for Shoe? Latest projects?
Shoe: A feature script was recently set-up with Mike Epps of The Honeymooners, that’s supposed to go into production in the fall and I’m working on a feature script for Zucker/Netter. They’re the guys behind The Naked Gun, Airplane, and the last Scary Movie so, as you can imagine, it’s a thrill to be working with such comic savants.
Oh, a
lso I’m thinking about grabbing a bite to eat. Shalla, we? (chuckles)
Shalla: Okay, let me go grab a Shoe :)
Thanks so much! For more on
Shoe Schuster, please visit his website
http://www.shoeschuster.comBest wishes Shoe. Please come back and talk with us again.
Shalla de Guzman writes multicultural, fantasy and paranormal novels with a chick lit tone. A former writer and producer of a health and fitness cable show, Shalla is currently writing her next top secret, future best-selling novel. www.shalladeguzman.com
